Men Have Called Her Crazy

Tendler starts the in-vitro fertilization (IVF) process to freeze her eggs. She finds the process daunting, as the fertility clinic doctor tells her over the phone that she must mix the hormones herself before injecting herself, using a video as an instructional reference. Then, a doctor, but not necessarily the doctor Tendler’s talking to, will perform her egg retrieval procedure. Tendler is unnerved that an unknown doctor will perform the procedure, especially given she’s paying $12,000 for the entire process. Tendler didn’t know children were optional until her early twenties since society conditions women to view motherhood as mandatory. She didn’t think seriously about children until her thirties. She views childrearing as inherently gendered, with women taking the brunt of the work because of gendered expectations. Her hesitations don’t stem only from men but also her desire to live her life on her terms.

Tendler calls Carmel, her friend who’s also gone through IVF, to discuss her fear about mixing the hormones herself. Carmel assures her it will become easier as time goes on. She mixes the hormones and injects herself and finds the injection portion easy. She wonders if her past with self-harm prepared her for this. Later, Tendler goes into the fertility clinic for a blood draw.