Mistakes We Never Made

The relationships in Mistakes We Never Mad span decades, and the novel explores how both relationships and the people in them change over time. Prior to the novel’s events, Emma is a perfectionist who fears change. She struggles to allow either herself or her friends to grow or develop. In her mind, everyone stays who they have always been, leading her judgments from years before color the way that she views them. Her road trip with Finn, her acceptance of Sybil’s independence, and her encounter with her father show her that relationships can change over time.

Emma is hesitant to trust that Finn could have changed from who he was when they were in high school and college. She finds a lot of comfort in reflecting on their time on debate team together, often referencing how they “both assum[e] the debate team stance” or the “competitiveness [she] used to get around Finn during debate prep” (22; 162). However, she also thinks that it’s impossible that he could be more reliable than he was when they were younger. For example, when she discusses Sebastian—Sybil’s ex—she says, “You have to be able to depend on people. You have to know they’ll be there for you” (165).