The Art Of Loving

“Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable.”

This opening assertion establishes Fromm’s central critique using parallel structure to contrast two approaches to love: Passive reception versus active capacity. The repetition of “how to be” emphasizes the self-centered perspective Fromm challenges, while his syntax moves from identifying the misconception to explaining its consequences. This quote introduces one of Fromm’s fundamental arguments against the cultural inversion of love’s true nature and exemplifies the Misconceptions About Love theme that frames his entire philosophical project.

“Many of the ways to make oneself lovable are the same as those used to make oneself successful, ‘to win friends and influence people.’ As a matter of fact, what most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal.”

Through allusion to Dale Carnegie’s self-help classic, Fromm connects romantic pursuit to marketplace strategies, employing ironic juxtaposition between genuine love and calculated social tactics. His matter-of-fact tone in the second sentence delivers cultural criticism through reductive definition, reducing contemporary notions of lovability to popularity and sexual attraction. This analysis illustrates the theme of Loving Within a Western, Capitalist Society by exposing how economic logic has corrupted authentic human connection.