The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Many discover after the early glow of romance has faded that their spouses become, in many ways, strangers. The Kellers argue that marriage is thus about learning how to love someone who changes and whom you will come to see in new and often unexpected ways as life progresses.

Marriage, they argue, is a tool for spiritual growth and transformation, not a constant high of emotional satisfaction. Early in a relationship, most couples are swept away by the euphoria of being in love, often believing that the beloved is flawless or at least ideally suited to them. But eventually, reality sets in. Flaws become visible, disappointments grow, and the partner you once idolized can feel unfamiliar. This, the Kellers say, is not a failure of the relationship—it’s part of its design.

The chapter outlines three key powers within marriage: truth, love, and grace. The power of truth means that marriage will expose your deepest flaws because marriage brings two lives into such close and unescapable contact that character weaknesses can no longer be hidden. Your spouse will see sides of you no one else sees, and this can be painfully revealing, but also an opportunity for growth. The Kellers liken this to a truck crossing a bridge and exposing its hidden cracks; the flaws were always there, and marriage just reveals them.