The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Timothy and Kathy Keller present marriage as a covenantal relationship, not merely a contractual arrangement or a vehicle for personal fulfillment. This thesis—woven into nearly every chapter—is grounded in the Biblical idea that marriage mirrors God’s covenant with His people, particularly Christ’s sacrificial love for the Church. In the introductory chapters, Keller distinguishes between a consumer relationship and a covenantal one, arguing that our cultural view of marriage as a commodity—where one stays only as long as their needs are met—has hollowed out its meaning. A covenant, by contrast, is a binding promise of future love. It is not rooted in fleeting emotion but in a vow to love even when that love is tested. Keller writes, “When the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give yourself to someone else” (78). This line sets the foundation for the argument that a covenant demands a kind of self-donation that is alien to modern romance.

Moving on, the authors deepen this framework by describing how the covenantal nature of marriage is precisely what makes it transformative. Rather than finding the “right” person to complete us, the Kellers argue, we are meant to grow into the people God desires us to become through the covenant of marriage.